Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
this is an emotional support booty call
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
