I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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