Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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