Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
