So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
