I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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