C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
