she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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