Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
