haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
