I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
