remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
