hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
