the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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