I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
