haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize