i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
