Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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