doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
