if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I love how my cats smell like pot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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