I just threw up on my dentist
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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