That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
