Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
