I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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