You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
