I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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