What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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