My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
