I molested 6 butterflies tonight
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
