i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Boobs speak an international language.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
