im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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