Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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