Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
