I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think people are normalizing furries
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
