i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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