So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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