I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
