i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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