I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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