Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
