He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
