I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
