More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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