if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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