she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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