Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
