i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
