i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The air taste purple.
Randomize
