Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
