He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
