Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
