oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
