My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
