Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
bring money and cleavage
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
